Light

It's been a bit.

I cannot believe how beautiful it is outside today. I'm sitting in Cafe D with Amanda and Daniel and it is incredibly clear. Mt. Hood is completely covered in snow. The hills surrounding Gresham are dusted with snow. Things have been pretty lovely. I feel like I've been quite busy but in reality I think it is just that I've been back and forth between Tacoma and Gresham quite a bit.

The first night at Palisades, the retreat center where I made a 5 Day Silent Retreat

The last morning at Palisades. So beautiful.

It was wonderful to go home and spend so much time with friends. Had a lot of fun. Often too much fun. I'm glad to be back in Gresham though...especially because I worked one day and then am off for New Years Eve! Fun will be had tonight. Hope you are all so well.

Wind and Waiting

I was going to try to write something beautiful about wind, but I'm feeling woefully uncreative so I will post a few songs that I've had on repeat lately:

1) Mindy Smith feat. Dolly Parton "Jolene"

2) Shelby Lynne "Dream Some"

3) Shawn Colvin "Shotgun Down the Avalanche"

4) Johnny Cash "It Ain't Me Babe"

5) (As much as it pains me) Feist "Honey, Honey"

Perfect

I woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
And you know I wish that you were here
But that same old road that brought me here
Is calling me home

Vacation

Let's see...what have I done on my vacation so far?

1. Used the internet like it's my job...I never get to just play around on the internet in Gresham...I'm only going on if I have something pressing that needs taking care of or these self-indulgent blog posts
2. Checked out a lot of music (this is what I've been using the internet for, primarily; my fix of new music)
3. Thoroughly stalked one miss Brandi Carlile. I have watched tons of YouTube videos, downloaded all her songs I didn't already own on iTunes..actually, putting that disclosure in this blog post makes me feel slightly better about my creepiness.
4. Oh yea, crossed off a major bucket list item which was seeing Brandi in concert.
5. Watched an embarrassingly high number of episodes of shows on Netflix.
6. Spent time with Haley and Sara just relaxing (before the storm came in). It was really lovely.
7. Been bitter about this cold spell making it impossible for me to visit people; however, also grateful for some divinely-enforced time to just sit around and be quiet.

Expounding upon number 7 in greater depth, I do not think (and I'm sure many JVs experience this) that I am ever quiet or still. I am always doing something, talking to someone, thinking about what needs to get done. There is this daily, lovely cacophony of preschoolers, thoughts, strategies, updates, music in the kitchen, silly conversations with housemates, and so on. It reminds me of Kathleen Norris's Amazing Grace in which she talks about trying to get elementary school students to define silence. Knowing this would be a difficult task, she asks them to, first, make as much noise as they can for 20 seconds or so and write about it. She then moves on to ask them to sit in silence for 20 seconds. They came up with these beautiful definitions of silence while few came up with anything particularly original about loudness. One boy came up with the image of being strong and silent like a tree. One student said "silence is me sleeping, waiting to wake up." They needed to really know what noise felt like to understand the gravity of silence.

My house is quiet. I never noticed how loud my life had become until these moments in my tiny, intensely cluttered and memory-filled house. The noise in my life is not unbearable nor is it unfavorable. It's almost like yelling over a crowd to say hello to a friend you've missed terribly. It is not a calling that is full of anger or hatred, but with urgency and excitement. However, we all know that yelling too much, even if it is in joy or delight, can make us hoarse. I didn't realize I was hoarse until I sat, snowed-in (more like iced-in) in the house I have lived in since birth. Although I am missing out on time I could be spending with friends, this quiet is delightful.

Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Fall: Our Gentle Assailant

Every year, fall assails me. But in the gentlest way possible. I always seem to suddenly notice that the air feels different, looks different, breathes different. The leaves are highlighter red with fire orange and gold and begin to gather on the road, whirling even more intently when a car interrupts. Little Northwest children are bundled in their mismatched sweaters and boots and seem to run with an intensity that is quite different than their summer gait. People seem to be settled into themselves in a different way.

I cannot stop noticing how change is exemplified in all forms of life. In some ways, change is the only thing in life that is constant. Though this can seem like stepping onto a slippery log, never touching solid ground because things are always moving and unstable, it must also be true that growth and movement are always taking place.

I continue to grow and move through this service year. My heart is changing and I do not notice or recall the process. All I know is that my heart is opening at all of its seams to let new people and experiences in. The Divine is continually being revealed to me in something as small as watching someone enjoying an ice cream cone and as significant as a crying child whom I am comforting.

Hope you are all well...really. I hope your changes find you well.

A Day In The Life of a Gresham JV

Just so all of you at home can get a taste of what it's like living the JV lifestyle and working with refugees:

8:15am: Woke up to the sound of the new 3M hook I installed (and I use that term loosely) to hold my curtains falling. A rude awakening. Slowly got out of bed and got ready for the day, having more time than usual because I was driving today for reasons that will be mentioned later.

9:20am: Left for work after almost leaving my lunch at home. Drove past Starbucks without stopping to buy a vanilla latte. Simplicity prevails.

10:00am: Start work.


10:01am: Client came in saying that one of the kids was swearing at her. Told her I would deal with it.


10:03am: Talked to one of our preschool teachers about ESL help for one of the families.

10:08am: Started to call the Welcome Center where children go who need to be screened for kindergarteen. I needed to cancel an appointment that I had made for a client but they showed up as I was calling. Took my 25 y.o. client with her 5 y.o. (cute) daughter to get screened for kindergarten. Had a good talk with this young Somali woman on the way. I really like her. Haven't gotten to know her well but she is very wise. Part of the conversation went like this, "I want a man who is not going to talk shit to me [clearly this is my favorite part of the conversation]. Who is kind at heart. You know, most women want a man who is handsome or hot or something, I just want him to have a good heart, I don't care what he look like. If he is kind in his words, that is all that matters. But it is hard to leave even if someone is bad, if you love each other."

11:20am: Arrive back at work. Called the local school to see if the little girl I took to get screened could attend school tomorrow. Also asked about a client whose child was charged for lunch when they are a part of the free lunch program.

11:23am: Client comes in needing help filling out SSI paperwork.
[time starts to run all together]: Help client fill out a job application. Make a doctors appointment for another client's wife. Tell other client I cannot help him fill out a job application today because I do not have time and there is an intern who does it. Have one client come in to ask about his community college paperwork that we had worked on together to see if it's done.


2:35pm: Get ready for homework club. Frantically print the roster for the week so I can keep track of attendance. Worry about not having enough volunteers but some showed up at the last minute. Have one of the kindergarteners wait outside, desperately wanting to go to homework club to work on his nonexistent homework. While he waits he draws little hearts on the window with his fingers. Get a piece of beautiful artwork from a 6th grader. Physically restrain a rag-tag group of preschool/kindergarteners who seem to feel that it is imperative that they break into homework club (though again, they do not have homework...I reiterate, 15% of my job is akin to being a bouncer at a club). Homework club ends (after throwing people out of my office of course). One of the younger kids needs help filling out a money order for their family to pay off their travel expenses from immigrating. Help her and then head out. Run into a 7 year old Nepali girl on my way out who grabs my hand and says I can't go home because I need to go to her house. I give her a hug goodbye and then make my way to my car. Call my grandma and haley in the car ride on the way home

There's a little taste of what life is like during the workday here. It can be hectic but it can also be really exciting.